I didn't want to get out of bed this morning and I didn't feel like running. But I got up and started walking. I figured I could walk for a bit longer as a warm up and then I might feel like running. The plan was to go the "usual" route down to the river and along the river back home. About 7 or 8 km's. I walked the first km and noticed the roads were closed to traffic. Before long hundreds of female cyclists zoomed past me - another triathlon! (An all ladies triathlon) I kept walking and watched all the cyclists. After the main bunch, the number started to trickle out but then came some oldies on ladies mountain bikes and some ladies who were clearly just in it to compete. I wanted to run at that point, but felt embarrassed, so I kept walking and then cut down a track to the river. I started running along the river, on the grass. I must say, I don't really like running on grass. Karratha didn't HAVE grass so I'm not at all used to it. Grass has little bumps and undulations and you have to concentrate to keep from falling over. Plus it's slow. Anyway, I was jogging along the grass for about 1km when I realised I was on the running route for the triathlon. The leaders effortlessly zoomed past and I am ashamed to say I stopped running then and there. I continued to walk towards home, as far off the path as possible. All the runners started going past me and they were all fit and very slim. I felt conspicuously out of place. I didn't like that feeling at all, but had no choice but to continue. Soon, though, the really fast ones had passed me and we were at the not-so-fit ones. But the time I walked past the transition, the just-competing ladies were finishing. THEN I started wishing I was there. But I'm a long way from that.
All up 7km this morning - mostly walking. Sigh.
About Me
- Celeste
- Perth, Western Australia, Australia
- I have two important pasttimes in my life - study and running. I started studying my PhD in 2005 because I want to become an academic. There is something appealing about being educated and something liberating about being an expert in a field. Running is just fun. It clears the mind and makes you feel like you can acheive anything. Like a PhD...
8 comments:
Oh Celeste, I do understand how being in that particular place could make you feel a little self conscious (I would most likely feel that way too), however, turn that thinking around and look at how far you've already come. Did you think when you first started that you would be where you are now? I know I certainly didn't. Just think how much more you will keep on improving! That can be you too, why the hell shouldn't it be? The positive thing is that you kept on walking and you didn't go home!
Awww, don't get down on yourself, I have learned to never compare myself to other runners.
I went thru something similar when I joined my current training group. There were so many super lean super fast girls and I just felt like an unco plodder fraud. In fact after my first session I almost gave up and didn't want to go back. But I pulled my socks up and kept going, soon enough I learned to accept my own ability and the improvement started to come from there.
But I am with you on the grass, I don't like running on it either.
I always feel like an imposter- but I don't think that will ever change- I don't care about it anymore. I hate running on grass too- the tussocks make me roll my delicate ankles!
Having cornered the market in self-consciousness, I am completely in sympathy with you Celeste. It's hard to take that step back and realise that there are many many more people who would be envying you for having the energy and fitness to being out there walking, let alone for being able to run!
I was thinking about you running on the grass when I was running around the creek on the concrete path. I don't think I'm ready to go there yet!
Oh, and I have another thing for you to think about while you're concentrating on your hands, etc. Lock those abs on! (Courtesy of my personal trainer, Leanne.)
I know this is easier said than done. How many people in cars admire your effort and they themselves wishing they could do what you do. It's all a matter of perception.
I remember a few posts ago, you mentioned you had a runner or two in sight and you chased them down. You are a runner.
Yeah I'm with the others, don't be hard on yourself, you've been absolutely amazing over the last few weeks.
I reckon you'll be in that crowd of triathlon runners next year and feeling completely at home.
I'm reading "Slow, Fat Triathlete" at the moment, I'd recommend it for times that you feel a bit self-conscious with your sport. Even better if you might just have a little hankering after trying the triathlon.
now now! 7km is nothing to criticise. It all adds up. Remember your exercise life has to exist within the context of your WHOLE life. We can't always train 100% (although I struggle with that 'should be better/work harder' feeling a lot myself I confess).
BTW since I got to know some runners and triathletes I've found they are the sweetest most welcoming bunch of people - as long as you're out there having a go no-one cares if you're heavy, skinny, fast or slow. Don't be discouraged (HUGS)
Awww Celeste - do not compare yourself with others for you will become vain or bitter - for always there will be those of greater or lessor ability than yourself (kind of borrowed from the Disiderata) - just see your recent post on passing people....
Mate you is what you is - and that aint a bad thing - in fact it is a bloody good thing - I keep coming back to your blog because there is an essence in your spirit that is just sooooo above mere time or distance results.
Chin up mate and give em hell ;-)
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